King Arthur's Disasters follows the absurd and epic adventures of King Arthur on his various quests to satisfy Princess Guinevere's need for exotic presents, in the vain hope that she will finally agree to marry him.King Arthur's enthusiasm is as limitless as the quests are futile and with his doddery magician Merlin he must confront the likes of cunning pigs, pink knights, blood thirsty squirrels and the inevitable Robin Hood and his not so Merry Men and Women.
Much to Camelot's horror, Princess Guinevere has taken up drumming as a hobby. In a mad moment of self-defence, King Arthur offers to pay for lessons, but Guinevere manipulates him into bringing her a branch from the singing Oak Tree.
King Arthur and Merlin set sail for Dolphin Rock in the Scottish waters near Kirkwall to collect Guinevere's latest desire - the Yodelling Dolphin. King Arthur's problems have only just begun when he discovers that hearing the Dolphin's yodel causes one to dance to death. Sneaking up on it underwater seems to be King Arthur's answer, but an octopus and a giant squid have other ideas.
It's Father's Day and Princess Guinevere wants to give her father the famed Parchment of Arusella. Unfortunately the Parchment is locked up in the Pink Castle and guarded by a detachment of Pink Knights.
After escaping from Robin Hood and his merry band, King Arthur stops at the tower to woo his lovely Princess and pick up her latest order. She wants her slipper turned into gold. Arthur, Merlin and Splag travel to the Fountain of Oro, which lies at the centre of the Labyrinth of Lost Souls. Once in Labyrinth they are beset by falling rocks, trap doors, snake pits ans scampering little Cornish gnomes – but by far the greatest danger comes from Guinevere's shoe.
Merlin discovers a love potion that guarantees Guinevere will want to marry King Arthur. But when King aims the potion at Guinevere, he accidentally hits her chaperone, Petal. King Arthur sets out to the forest to collect the ingredients Merlin needs to reverse the spell.
King Arthur, Merlin and Splag arrive at a French chateau on their way to steal the fabled 'Rose en Verre' - a radiantly beautiful stained glass window installed in a remote Chateau in the heart of France. Lady M, King Arthur's Sister, outraged that this national treasure is going to the spoilt Guinevere, warns her brother of dark forces and irate peasants. Warnings that are ignored and all seems lost for our gallant King. Only Lady M's secret alter ego, the renegade Knight Sir Margaret, can save the King...but will she bother.
Princess Guinevere has ordered a new table – from Norway. In another attempt to win her affection, King Arthur runs afoul of Vikings, giant trolls, savage wolves, stampeding lemmings, Norwegian minstrels and the usual treachery from Sir Launcelot and Sir Martyn.
King Arthur decides to invade Scotland when he discovers Princess Guinevere has been taken to Hadrian's castle. Unfortunately, the King's armies are sent in the wrong direction. So, despite an invasion force of only four, King Arthur lays siege to the castle. Merlin levitates them over the battlements but Guinevere is nowhere to be found. In the end, Lancelot and Martyn are trapped on an island by the Loch Ness monster and King Arthur searches the length and breadth of Scotland only to discover Guinevere has returned to her tower after a family visit with her Scottish relatives.
A scream pierced the peaceful Camelot night as a traumatised Guinevere discovers a gray hair. King Arthur quickly mounts a major expedition to mysterious Avalon to find the Fountain of Youth.
Guinevere needs a temporary chaperone and King Arthur and Merlin travel to Baden-Baden to fetch Petal's cousin, Tatiana - a trapeze artist at Countess Griselda's International Circus. Tatiana agrees to go to Camelot provided her two pet apes come with her. But the evil Countess wants her valuable apes back and sends her circus folks after them. Taking refuge with Arthur's sister, Lady M, our heroes undergo the strangest siege imaginable - with acrobats scaling the chateau walls, fire-eaters burning down the doors, clowns bouncing on trampolines and a human cannonball flying overhead dropping...real cannonballs.
Princess Guinevere wants a pet and decides that the tiny Golden Bear of Tundoor would fit her lifestyle perfectly. But the eerie forest of Tundoor is home to the wicked sorceress Morgan Le Fay who becomes somewhat annoyed when King Arthur inadvertently destroys her cottage. Morgan casts a spell on Robin Hood and sends him after the King. But Arthur evades Robin by destroying a beehive - then evades the angry bees by destroying a beaver's dam - then evades the outraged beavers by being swept away in the raging river which bursts its banks and destroys Morgan's cottage again. That's when things get really ugly.
The 'Peacocks of Penzance' are regarded by many as myth. But that doesn't deter Arthur from seeking a quill from one so that he can write to Guinevere's cousin. What follows is treacherous skulduggery as Launcelot tries to dispatch Arthur - who is busy trying to dispatch Lord Epping - who is busy trying to dispatch Arthur. And Merlin adds to the general mayhem by mistaking the sleepwalking Lord Cornforth for a ghost - and with errant magic spells, tries to dispatch him.
Guinevere wants an ice palace! And not just any ice palace. So its off to Switzerland for King Arthur via high mountains, avalanches, cracking river ice, an abominable Snowman and running afoul of William Tell. Arthur wins the Matterhorn Ice Palace in an archery contest and takes it home to Guinevere. Finally, he has done something right, but Arthur wants her to be really impressed and insists Merlin lights some oil that Splag has splashed around the Ice Castle. As the flames shoot up and, as the ice palace melts, Guinevere shouts to the retreating Arthur that all thoughts of an engagement are off!
Princess Guinevere's greatest desire is to fly and King Arthur provides her with the first medieval hot air Balloon. Powered by the fiery breath of a small dragon, the balloon sails across the sky until Robin Hood accidentally shoots it down over the foreboding Forest of Dark Forces. Will King Arthur and Robin Hood sneak past the dreaded Purple Knights, survive the terrors of the Dark Forces and defeat the Screaming Salisbury Stag to rescue the fair Princess from certain doom – and in time for her tapestry class?
Moon rocks are all the rage and King Arthur is convinced he has traveled to the moon via a one-way rocket. While Sir Launcelot and Sir Martyn struggle to share the throne in the King's absence, Arthur, Merlin and Splag are captured by the fierce 'moon people' and do battle with the gigantic rock giant, Ritho, in order to bring Princess Guinevere a moon rock all the way from - North Wales.
Merlin's magic goes astray and King Arthur switches bodies with the fair Princess Guinevere. Riding side-saddle and constrained by a corset, the King must traverse the raging River of Unpleasantness, battle the Angry Penguins of Shrewsbury and defeat the Mutant Hedgehog of Cheshire to find the fabled Slamming Book that contains the reversal spell – all without breaking any of Guinevere's nails.
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All Princess Guinevere wants is an orange. A sweet, juicy, round orange orange. How simple is that? But in trying to fullfill her request, King Arthur must enter the Camelot Horse Show, travel across Spain, participate in the first 'running of bulls' in Pamplona and, single handedly battle the Giant Two Headed Fire Breathing Orange Eating Bull of Valencia.
Guinevere has traveled to Paris to have a dress designed by the famous but neurotic Antoine de la Poulet. Insisting on the very best material, King Arthur is dispatched to a tropical jungle to retrieve the rare blood-sucking silk worms of Rangoon. Meanwhile, the French peasants are having one of their many revolutions and, on his return with the worms, the King discovers that Guinevere has been taken to the infamous tower prison known as the Pastille! The rescue attempt fails and Merlin, the King and his beloved Princess are carted off to their executions. Only Sir Margaret can save them – but will she bother?
Princess Guinevere pines for a sea view, King Arthur and Merlin seek out King Canute for advice. They catapult the famous 'round table' into the sea to block the Penzance Plug Hole. The sea rises – and keeps rising until Guinevere's tower is in danger of being engulfed. Will sharped-toothed sharks, a giant sea monster and a dissolute Scottish Pirate prevent the King from draining the Plug Hole and rescuing his beloved from a watery grave and wet hair?
Princess Guinevere wants to choose a husband wisely and King Arthur volunteers to travel to Ireland and bring back the legendary Salmon of Knowledge. His efforts are hampered by Robin Hood and his Merry Band, numerous Leprechauns and two Merlin clones. Undaunted, he returns with the fabled fish – which is accidentally eaten by Alan, who becomes the wisest horse in the Kingdom.
When Princess Guinevere wants a firework display, King Arthur and Merlin rush to a remote mountain top in the Himalayas where The Fire Dragon, an old school chum of Merlin's, makes the best fireworks in the known world. But Sir Launcelot and Sir Martyn follow and organize a number of deadly traps forcing King to confront jaw-snapping ice crocodiles and a pack of vicious albino ninja lemmings.
Merlin has devised a magic spell that allows King Arthur to read his beloved's mind. Awed by his anticipation of her every whim, Princess Guinevere sends him to get the thing she desires most. Unfortunately her mind keeps changing and after King Arthur risks life and limb trying to capture an echo from a Warbling Bat and the Druid Sapphire, her thoughts begin to fade and instead of bringing her an emerald coat - he turns up with a green goat.
Princess Guinevere worries that her nostrils might be slightly imperfect and King Arthur and Merlin travel to a Wizard's retreat to retrieve a magic mirror known as 'The Bride's Reflection'. But Arthur accidentally uncovers 'The Black Heart of Doom' - a mirror which releases an evil Merlin bent on destroying Arthur. To save the King's life, the good Merlin sends Arthur back to the past where he meets the young Arthur. Together they face the trickery of young Launcelot and the power of the black-hearted Merlin in order to rescue their future bride - the baby Princess Guinevere.
Princess Guinevere decides to accept the King's proposal of marriage – provided he proposes on one knee on her tower balcony. But Petal thwarts Arthur's every effort to climb up there. Merlin suggest a magical rope trick, known only by a reclusive Hermit in the Mid-lands. Dogged by Sir Launcelot and Sir Martyn, Arthur and Merlin also travel to Greece as the Hermit's spell requires a snake from the head of Medusa. Sir Launcelot is turned into a stone and Merlin accidentally burns down a village but, undaunted, Arthur uses the rope trick and reaches the balcony of his beloved princess – almost!
Princess Guinevere wishes to bathe in fresh donkey's milk, so once again Arthur finds himself in Spain transporting an ill-tempered donkey through the countryside. Here he meets the legendary Don Quixote, helps him battle a windmill, a lion and some rather disgusting tacos. But when King Arthur and Merlin proudly present the Princess with the donkey, she points out one small mistake - the donkey is male.
Believing that her Father has offered her hand in marriage to the winner of the Annual Camelot Tournament, Princess Guinevere begs Arthur to enter and win as, given the choices, she'd rather marry him. Merlin convinces Sir Margaret to train Arthur in the martial arts and after a series of painful mishaps declares him as ready as he'll ever be. With some help from Merlin's magic, Arthur defeats Sir Martyn in hand to hand combat, Robin Hood and William Tell in the archery contest and Sir Launcelot and Sir Margaret in the joust. Guinevere's father awards the King his most prized possession - a champion Hereford Bull.